How My Full-Time Job Changed 5:30
“It’s too early to be yawning!” a fellow teacher said to me as we were walking into the school building.
“I am sleepier in the mornings,” I said, “and more awake in the afternoons.” She laughed.
It was like any other day, just a little more windy and rainy than usual. I quickly glanced at the clock as I was driving home from work 5:30 p.m.
I am sleepier in the morning because my body is still in college overdrive screaming “abort mission!” I love the mornings, but it has definitely been a change going from being a college student with my first class of the day at 11 a.m. to now my second cup of coffee by 9.
Not only are my mornings still a little sleepy as I am getting the hang of this new way of life, but my evenings are different, too.
Four months ago on a weeknight at 5:30 p.m., I was a college student at the library, typing a paper, or participating in an extracurricular activity.
“While college disciplined me in more ways that I could possibly count on my fingers, it caused me a lot of anxiety.”
My mind functions in a way that begs for consistency and while college’s inconsistency often seeped deep into my heart, it also strengthened my ability to dig in, stay rooted, and persevere.
However, 5:30 p.m. in college meant digging deeper into a paper, crossing another thing off of my to-do list, and counting down the days, hours, and minutes until I would get to go home again. While it disciplined me, it often made me miss my family. While it taught me how to persevere and finish strong, it revealed to me just how ready I was for the next step of life.
Today, however, 5:30 p.m. has a different meaning than it did in college. In college, my purpose was not always clear. I knew that I was a student and my goal was to graduate so that I could teach, but it was often hard to see my purpose right with my very eyes.
“But as I drove home today, I was fulfilled because I knew that I had lived out a purpose and that purpose had been unfolded right before my very eyes. What a difference it makes when we live a purpose-driven life. ”
While there was frustration at times and “I just need to sit down for a minute” moments at another, there was no greater satisfaction found in today than in realizing that 5:30 p.m. is different for me today than it was four months ago.
I used to glance at the clock on the way home from the library and cower under the weight of the anxiety in looking at my long to-do list and wondering how I would eventually finish strong and reach my goals.
Today, I looked at the clock and I did not see 5:30, but I saw strength, I saw heart, and I saw victory.
“I saw a lifetime of labor done in love. I saw a moment of less college unpredictability and more certainty in getting up tomorrow and putting on my teacher pants to change the world.”
If you're a college student drowning in 5:30, just hang on. Your day is coming. Soon all of your hard work will pay off. Soon it will make more sense.
I know all too well what it feels like to wonder if someday you will truly feel as if you are living out your calling. I know all too well the late night study sessions, inconsistent schedules, and weeks away from your family. It still rings familiar in my ears.
5:30p.m. might be hard for you right now. You are probably tired. You might be anxious. You may be wondering if all of your hard work is doing any good.
But, that mountain you are climbing now -- that extensive training you are doing -- it is about to all pay off. 5:30 p.m. will not always be the same for you.
It is no longer the same for me.
At 5:30p.m., I am reminded that I have bags under my eyes.
Then I smile as I think about how lucky I am to be able to wake up and do what I love.
All over again tomorrow.
With love,
Brittany Jeanine